Ervin’s Play by Play of ‘Varsity Blues’: A Sweet Maui Review

Varsity Blues: A Legal Examination

Ah, the gridiron. Few films have encapsulated the American high school football experience as convincingly as “Varsity Blues”. A deep dive into the heart of Texas football country, this film combines spirited performances, high-stakes drama, and a touch of, shall we say, aesthetic appreciation.

“Varsity Blues” portrays the lives of high school students entangled in the intricate dance of football, love, and teenage rebellion. The powerhouse performance of James Van Der Beek as Jonathan “Mox” Moxon provides a captivating anchor for the narrative. Yet, as a distinguished advocate of the legal system, I find my attention swayed not by the protagonist’s gridiron exploits but by a scene of a more adult persuasion.

Now, let me be clear, the football scenes are as invigorating as a rodeo bull ride, filled with the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, and the seemingly insurmountable pressures of small-town dreams. The film paints a vivid picture of adolescent angst, and how could it not, with a cast as robust and dynamic as a well-prepared legal defense. But the scene that truly steals the show involves one Miss Davis, played by the ravishing Ali Larter.

In a turn of events as unexpected as a surprise subpoena, we see Miss Davis donning nothing but a bikini made entirely of whipped cream. Yes, dear reader, I confess, my southern gentlemanly restraint was tested in this moment. And yet, I couldn’t help but marvel at the audacity of the scene, not unlike an underdog attorney successfully challenging a well-funded prosecution.

In conclusion, “Varsity Blues” is more than a coming-of-age story set against the backdrop of football; it’s a visually thrilling spectacle that will make your heart race faster than a hound chasing a rabbit. For the captivating performances, relatable struggles, and that unforgettable whipped cream bikini scene, I am inclined to award “Varsity Blues” a solid 4 out of 5 Sweet Maui Onions.

Truly Yours, 


Ervin E. Lederson |||